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FTA-N-More.Net For your True FTA Needs 2010-12-22T15:15:20-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/feed.php?f=32 2010-12-22T15:15:20-05:00 2010-12-22T15:15:20-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1579&p=2084#p2084 <![CDATA[Humour • Proud Newfie Dad]]> as his wife was having a baby .

Upon arriving, the Nurse says
"Congratulations,
your wife has had quints,
5 big baby boys . "

TheNewfie says, "I'm not surprised,
I have a penis on me like a chimney . "

The nurse replies, "You might want to consider getting it cleaned, the babies are all black . "

Statistics: Posted by Pinkito — Wed Dec 22, 2010 3:15 pm

]]> 2010-12-21T08:36:55-05:00 2010-12-21T08:36:55-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1571&p=2077#p2077 <![CDATA[Humour • Jesus in a Bar.]]>

An, Irishman, an Australian and a Newfie are in a bar. They're staring at another man. Suddenly the Irishman says, "It's Jesus!" Sure enough, it is Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a bottle of Molson Canadian. Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another. When he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness. When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of a amazement: "My God! The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the lager. As he lets go the man's eyes widen with shock. "Strewth, mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone! It's a miracle!"

Jesus then approaches the Newfie who knocks over a chair and a table trying to get away from the Son of God.

"What's wrong, my son?" says Jesus.

The Newfie shouts, "Get Lost", I'm on Workers Compensation!"

Statistics: Posted by Pinkito — Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:36 am

]]> 2010-12-19T11:16:15-05:00 2010-12-19T11:16:15-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1552&p=2057#p2057 <![CDATA[Humour • Brazilian Booty Dance]]>
http://www.youtube.com/v/P8GQ16jnCxg[

Statistics: Posted by Digi — Sun Dec 19, 2010 11:16 am

]]> 2010-12-08T15:24:40-05:00 2010-12-08T15:24:40-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1500&p=1996#p1996 <![CDATA[Humour • Indian Winter]]>
But, being a practical leader, after several days, he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, 'Is the coming winter going to be cold?' 'It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold,' the meteorologist at the weather service responded. So the chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.

A week later, he called the National Weather Service again. 'Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?' 'Yes,' the man at National Weather Service again replied, 'it's going to be a very cold winter.' The chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.

Two weeks later, the chief called the National Weather Service again. 'Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?' 'Absolutely,' the man replied. 'It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters we've ever seen.' 'How can you be so sure?' the chief asked.

The weatherman replied, 'The Indians are collecting a shitload of firewood.'

Statistics: Posted by Pinkito — Wed Dec 08, 2010 3:24 pm

]]> 2010-12-08T15:20:05-05:00 2010-12-08T15:20:05-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1499&p=1995#p1995 <![CDATA[Humour • Candy with the little hole.]]>
Red.......................Cherry
Yellow..................Lemon
Green...................Lime
Orange ................Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY lifesavers. None
of the children could identify the taste.

The teacher said, 'I will give you all a clue. It's what your
mother may sometimes call your father.'

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and
yelled, 'Oh my God! They're ass-holes!

Statistics: Posted by Pinkito — Wed Dec 08, 2010 3:20 pm

]]> 2010-12-08T15:16:44-05:00 2010-12-08T15:16:44-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1498&p=1994#p1994 <![CDATA[Humour • Celibacy]]>
While attending a Marriage Weekend, my wife and I, listened to the instructor declare, 'It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.."

He then addressed the men, 'Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?'

I leaned over, touched my wife's hand gently, and whispered, 'Robin Hood All-Purpose, isn't it?'

And thus began my life of celibacy...

Statistics: Posted by Pinkito — Wed Dec 08, 2010 3:16 pm

]]> 2010-12-08T15:12:56-05:00 2010-12-08T15:12:56-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1497&p=1993#p1993 <![CDATA[Humour • Old Timer Wisdom]]>
"The material we put into our stomachs should have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is full of steroids and dye. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High transfat diets can be disastrous and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and most of us have, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"

After several seconds of quiet, a 70-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake."

Statistics: Posted by Pinkito — Wed Dec 08, 2010 3:12 pm

]]> 2010-11-28T06:32:15-05:00 2010-11-28T06:32:15-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1445&p=1933#p1933 <![CDATA[Humour • The old man on the porch]]> The old man says "what you got there boy?"
"I got me some duck tape"
"And what are you gonna do with that duck tape" the old man asks.
" I'm gonna catch me some ducks!"
" you can't catch ducks with duck tape!" the old man replies.
Later that day the lad comes walking back down the street, twirling his duck tape with 6 ducks waddling behind him.

The next day the lad comes walking down the street with a roll of chicken wire.
The old man says "what you got there boy?"
He says " I got me some chicken wire"
"And what are gonna do with that chicken wire" the old man asks.
"Why I'm gonna catch me some chickens!"
" you can't catch chickens with chicken wire boy!" the old man replies
Later that day the boy comes walking back down the street with his chicken wire and low and behold he's got 6 chickens strutting right behind him!

On the following day the boy comes walking down the street with a bunch of branches tucked under his arm.
"The old man says what you got there boy?"
He says " I got me some pussy willow!"
" Why you can't catch................er, let me get my hat!"

Statistics: Posted by greens — Sun Nov 28, 2010 6:32 am

]]> 2010-11-19T23:12:16-05:00 2010-11-19T23:12:16-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1416&p=1890#p1890 <![CDATA[Humour • Funny Sat Pictures]]> satellite-dish.jpg
satellite-dish-pimped.jpgSatellite_Dishes_Fever__14.jpgsatellite_dishes_30.jpgsatellite_dishes_29.jpg
Next is my personal fave -- and something i would so do ...
satellite_dishes_28.jpgsatellite_dishes_27.jpgsatellite_dishes_19.jpgsatellite_dishes_06.jpgsat-dish1.jpgsatellite_dishes_03.jpgredneck_satellite_dish.jpge9ba0f35aa1bf256d36db4e2e7e77c17.jpgdish-pointing-insat-2e-satellite-1.jpgdish.jpgbrick_painted_sat_dish.jpg128927615894001446.jpg
This ONE HAS TO Be topz Cat 8d492f79-4385-4184-bed3-1b99243b454a.jpg5.jpg

Statistics: Posted by The_Hatta — Fri Nov 19, 2010 11:12 pm

]]> 2010-11-12T18:40:04-05:00 2010-11-12T18:40:04-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1391&p=1862#p1862 <![CDATA[Humour • Re: I DEDICATE THIS SONG TO ALL THE AHOLES The A$$hole Song ]]> Statistics: Posted by The_Hatta — Fri Nov 12, 2010 6:40 pm

]]> 2010-11-12T18:39:38-05:00 2010-11-12T13:17:57-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1391&p=1859#p1859 <![CDATA[Humour • I DEDICATE THIS SONG TO ALL THE AHOLES The A$$hole Song - Ji]]> Statistics: Posted by Digi — Fri Nov 12, 2010 1:17 pm

]]> 2010-10-20T19:41:18-05:00 2010-10-20T19:41:18-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1319&p=1751#p1751 <![CDATA[Humour • Do Wood Chucks Chuck Wood]]> Jerryboyz Employees

Statistics: Posted by Digi — Wed Oct 20, 2010 7:41 pm

]]> 2010-09-17T10:53:27-05:00 2010-09-17T10:53:27-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1174&p=1563#p1563 <![CDATA[Humour • Re: An Italian Boy's Confession]]> Thats nice,,,,

Statistics: Posted by The_Hatta — Fri Sep 17, 2010 10:53 am

]]> 2010-09-17T08:55:45-05:00 2010-09-17T08:55:45-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1175&p=1560#p1560 <![CDATA[Humour • Speaking German in Texas]]>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Down south near Fredericksburg , Texas , where there is a large German-heritage population, a farmer walking down a country road noticed a man drinking from his pond with his hand.

The farmer shouted: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." (Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have s**t in it.")

The man shouted back: "I'm from New York , and just down here campaigning for Obama's health care plan. I can't understand you. Please speak in English."



The farmer replied: "Oh okay, well use two hands, you'll get more water."

Statistics: Posted by hsh — Fri Sep 17, 2010 8:55 am

]]> 2010-09-17T08:51:01-05:00 2010-09-17T08:51:01-05:00 http://www.fta-n-more.net/forum/viewtopic.php?t=1174&p=1559#p1559 <![CDATA[Humour • An Italian Boy's Confession]]>
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

'Bless me Father, for I have sinned.
I have been with a loose girl'.

The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Joey Pagano ?'

'Yes, Father, it is.'

'And who was the girl you were with?'

'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation'.

"Well, Joey, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later
so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?'

'I cannot say.'

'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?'

'I'll never tell.'

'Was it Nina Capelli?'

'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.'

'Was it Cathy Piriano?'

'My lips are sealed.'

'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?'

'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.'

The priest sighs in frustration.
'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that.
But you've sinned and have to atone.
You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months.
Now you go and behave yourself.'

Joey walks back to his pew,
and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,
'What'd you get?'

'Four months vacation and five good leads.

Statistics: Posted by hsh — Fri Sep 17, 2010 8:51 am

]]>